so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So squirting runs in the family.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
