I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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