sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
