All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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