I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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