i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
