There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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