she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
