so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
