just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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