it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
3 2 1 whiskey
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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