That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
