we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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