take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
