Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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