week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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