Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
