the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize