i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
