well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
