Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
