no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize