The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
