Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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