yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
