Got a toothbrush?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
