i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
