she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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