ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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