Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize