i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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