do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
