Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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