Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
