he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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