I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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