just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
