i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
