I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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