After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
