3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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