oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
