so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
