oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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