yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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