You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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