Don't you send me to vm
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
