Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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