There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
