It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
