Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
