don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
