i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
