2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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