you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
