He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
