the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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