I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
