Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
