she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
