M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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