I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
