i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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