He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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