Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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