Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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