Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
