NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
