so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
