I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
