Where is the hickey?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
