So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
