I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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