The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
