Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
