I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
