Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
