He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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