So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize