Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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