So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
