im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
