i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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