oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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