i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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